cobaltika

2012-01-27T08:15:00.000-06:00

what i have been doing while sick and confined.
(work in progress)

it wasn't a very bad cold at all, probably the shortest one i have ever had. i wonder if that is because i added cracked black pepper to my diet? or gave up most wheatStuffs? in the past year, i think those are the only nutritional changes i have really made and this was my first cold in almost 2 years and it was very small. so yay.

but it was nice to have an excuse to hole up in soft clothes and furBoots for 4 days and eat soup and read lots of books. but i became restless and somehow encountered a large burst of creative energy. i started building palaces again. and making new pieces with them. they are pretty fine, i think. i am reconstructing lots of old pieces that just didn't work. i like doing that, re-use. i feel compelled to keep minimizing and don't like to buy new art materials, so i just use what i have until it gone. then i think of something else to make with what is left. the only supplies i ever seen to need are UHU gluestick, golden soft gel matte (yum) and inkjet printer ink.

since i have moved to this artHovel, i now have a decent body of framed work ready to show and sell. now i have to do the hard part with that... unh. i haven't seen *anywhere* here that it would fit. and now i am in the process of completing a decent body of small work that i am going to re-open my Etsy store with, hopefully in the next week or so. it will be pretty loudly announced. um. and i'm also changing the name of my studio and web presence. oh boy.

no! i'm not manic! i'm a water dragon! wheeeeeee! happy new year!!!

2012-01-22T17:50:00.001-06:00

some recent chairs

outside my sister's hill country studio this weekend.
now i have a cold.
it has been 2 years since i have been ill.
i am really excited about taking NyQuil at bedtime!

2012-01-19T19:02:00.000-06:00

i have not been around my house or my town too much lately. back and forth between my mother's house, my sister's house, Austin ... and all etc. lots of familia things going on. when i am at my house for a bit, i am either - tired, restless, gluing the bits that are all over my artTable into a meaningless book, reading mystery paperbacks or wandering around my town getting exercise and making many pictures of nothing. and applying for jobs, of course. although it is beginning to feel sort of like the lottery. i keep playing and hoping. at least it is not costing me $$.

i have made some photoProjects for myself, using the new Hipstamatic "disposable camera" app. at first it was fun, but now i am OVER it ... i do like to make projects and i like a set of uniform images, but i have been unhappy with the images from the 3 "disposables" i have. one is messed-up color, one has a big fake light leak and one is another kind of messed-up color. poo. i sort of like this yellowish sepia, but not enough to keep using it. it RUINS texas sky.

2012-01-10T21:31:00.002-06:00

the graffiti alley : the mission : san francisco
betsy said i would love it and she was right.
there were also great thrift shops, etc!

2012-01-09T18:42:00.005-06:00

we didn't really go out to look at houses and churches... on Saturday, my sister Pam and i went on a small road trip. we headed to La Grange to the Texas Quilt Museum to see one of her amazing quilts hanging. we decided to stop wherever we wanted - for photo ops, or just to look. after a pit stop, we went to Tiny Texas Houses. we thought to just poke around outside and peek in windows, but one of the makers came out and gave us a full tour. it was FABULOUS! we learned so much and the tiny houses are amazing - all made from old salvaged Texas houses. the details were just crazy wonderful. we got to go inside all of the display and in-progress houses. they were rock-solid and didn't feel that tiny inside. i will lust for one as soon as they make them with downstairs sleeping areas. no way i can see being elderly and climbing up and down a slanty ladder in the middle of the night. or anytime! it was awkward. but a loft would be great for agile guests.

after driving on, Pam said we were in the vicinity of the Czech painted churches. just as she mentioned it, i saw a steeple in the distance. "do you think that is one???" we turned down a farm road and sure enough, it was St. Mary's, the Queen of the Painted Churches. we walked all around and inside. they were also wonderful, beautiful bright windows and stucco walls painted with Eastern European patterns. my favorite part was the corner i found that still had the old paint (see image).

in La Grange, we ate Tex-Mex and looked at a store with beautyClothes like i have not seen lately. then we spent a good deal of time in the quilt museum. Pam's quilt was, of course, the most beautiful! but there were many other fine ones, too. even though i prefer contemporary and strange textile pieces, the craftsmanship of all of them, mostly traditional, was outstanding. we enjoyed talking to the woman in charge and left with an invitation to visit Round Top, another Texas town i have never visited.

we took the back roads home and passed through Muldoon, a mostly abandoned place with some of the best crusty buildings i have seen yet in Texas. including this poor little church. the door was wide open, so since it is not rattlesnake season, i waded in. it was quite pitiful. there were other good structures there, too, but driving in the dark is not that interesting, so we could not linger too long. it was a GREAT day!!

2012-01-08T13:01:00.002-06:00

more chinatown : san francisco : december 2011

that should do it!

2012-01-01T18:33:00.000-06:00

i guess i won't do a big New Year's thing here. i am contemplative, and it *was* an eventful year, but i don't feel like doing a re-hash or a list (although i did read 78 books! i just counted!). i also do not want to make resolutions and my intention is the same as every year. Try. Hope. Be.

i rather missed my tradition with my friend Traci - wherein i would make veggie Lucky 3-Bean Posole and mimosas and she would come over and we would make art all day. but i am far away now. i had a nice weekend with some of my family. Margaret and her b-friend, Adam, came to town. they stayed with my sister, as she has the space and i don't. we had a warm lunch outside, hiked a little, drank a little, shot a few fireworks, ate plenty of snacks and watched Apollo 18, which managed to keep my sister and i awake long enough to say "Happy New Year" at the appropriate time. today was posole (exactly the Lucky 3-Bean, but with chicken), guacamole, blackeye peas, cornbread, mimosas and silliness. we missed my mama and other sister, but it was all good and relaxed. Kathy wore her nighties all day. they were cute. (as is she)

now i am at home messing with my San Francisco pictures. this is one of my favorites. this fabulous old building, flanked by the pyramid disappearing into the fog. i guess Betsy and i were walking to the SFMOMA that morning. the old building is the Sentinel. i don't know what the pyramid is called and it doesn't matter. it is funny that it is present in so many of my pictures there and it was such a part of the landscape of my wonderful trip. and really funny that when Betsy and i were at the movies, seeing Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol and at the end where SF was being attacked, i squeaked too loudly "NOT THE PYYYYYRRRRRRRAMIDDDDD!!" Betsy almost wet her pants laughing at me. i was almost embarrassed! heh. but really, what an icon.

anyway, a new year. a new number to remember. a new attempt.
so ... onward.

2011-12-30T20:50:00.000-06:00

chinatown san francisco : an excellent cacophony

i have been to an urban paradise! i feel so lucky and grateful. for the holiday, Margaret gifted me with a round-trip ticket to San Francisco, to visit Betsy. who gifted me a whirlwind tour of her world, which i always refer to as betsyWorld. she loves living in San Francisco and i love her city, too. it is my favorite of all i have ever visited. Betsy's tour included ... food! she has become a fledgling foodie, working in a great restaurant and enjoying visiting others in her neighborhood and around the city. we ate incredibly delicious and interesting things. i am thinking i will list them, just for my amazement, but not yet. we saw movies. we went to the SFMOMA, where i was able to view the Francesca Woodman exhibit, which was outstanding. i had seen her images off and on, online, but to see 3 rooms of them - they made so much more sense. and were truly magical. on one day, FOUR of my online friends came to the city and we wandered and made pictures and chattered and had the greatest time. how i loved meeting them.

it is funny, although walking and looking took place every day, i didn't make many pictures while i was there. and they are a random and motley collection. i realized some things about myself and my imagemaking style. but i will play with them and post some in the next week or so.

2011-12-18T17:07:00.003-06:00

this weekend i am in austin, dogsitting for Margaret.

i like hanging out in her place with her dog. i have some artToys and her netflix instant streaming account. i also went to see Melancholia yesterday. i am on sort of a film binge, because 1) i have been deprived and 2) i am slightly depressed/agoraphobic. mostly i have just been out to acquire food and to walk the dog. i do love austin so much, but i feel rejected here. i wish austin loved me back. had wanted me. margaret's dog is really fun. and mostly polite. he *did* eat one of my small paintings while i was at the movies, but ... i guess i should have cleaned up better before leaving? heh. ok, what shall i watch this evening?

2011-12-13T18:11:00.001-06:00

i didn't exactly fall off the face of the earth. only sort of.

it has been a little rough around here.
but this week things are better. (so far)

this tiny house is down the street, enclosed by huge deadish oaks. i didn't think anyone really lived there. but one day i walked by and they were cutting down the largest deadish oak. so maybe someone does. someone small.

i have celebrated the one-year anniversary of my iPod Touch and i still love her madly.

2011-12-01T09:09:00.000-06:00

i have to admit living in a small Texas hill country town is growing on me. i think if it were not a "cute tourist town" also, i would probably not be as pleased. i really enjoy having my 3-mile hike include my mexican neighborhood, interesting houses, the charming shops in the old stone buildings downtown, pleasant people ... and LONGHORNS under LIVEOAKS. what a nice balance.

when i am not wandering about town with my camera and stressing over the end of my unemployment benefits and cursing Governor Goodhair (aka: Perry) and his lying face for assuring me there are plenty of jobs in Texas, i am actually busy in my new little studioHome. i am finishing LOTS of work ... even though i have not been showing it, it has been happening. and i am preparing for a transition and a surprise at the first of next year. it is time for something different to reflect my changed life.

onward...

2011-11-19T10:52:00.002-06:00

yesterday was very much fun. catching up with a friend from my extreme youth, filling in the blanks of my personal history - and a visit to the Fredericksburg Trade Days again!

2011-11-12T17:59:00.003-06:00

feel free to take a walk with me, in my new town
click to go!

2011-11-11T20:08:00.001-06:00

st. joseph halle : fredericksburg tx : at night

it has been an odd week. i have felt so displaced and disconnected. but i have worked hard - finishing To Total Completion over 2 dozen pieces. some were in progress, or "finished but not ready". now they are varnished, signed, titled and framed and ready to go out the door. ok wait. i still need to photograph and inventory them. i will, before they are stored away again. i really felt compelled to have a cohesive bit of work together in case there were an opportunity to show. since i have been here, i have seen so many invitations for artists, at various venues, and wished i had work ready. now i do. my next task is to have a display ready, for a booth show. uh. but wait. where will i store *that*??

when i have felt too imprisoned, i went out for a bit. i went to visit the llamas, made some plants for my bleak entrance, herbs and pansies. for the last two nights i had to put sheets on them, but mostly they can stay out for a long time. i had a date with little Kathy for the farmer's market, then pizza, ice cream and a movie - Howls' Moving Castle - which was quite enchanting. then i caught up with American Horror Story with Kurtis.

then this evening. well. hmmm.

i went to an art opening in town. first i did a walkaround with my cammie, which i needed. i have been taking my realCam out, but have been sadly disappointed with the images, compared to that dumb little beloved iPod. but i realize that my realCam sometimes feels like a companion, which i need desperately lately, so i take her. the show was at St. Joseph Halle (not a typo), a group of local painters, Die Kunstler (yes, shut up, everything *is* in German here!) and it was quite a turnout. there was lots of work. and yes, as i suspected, mostly gentle landscapes. there were no artists using trashy chinese newspaper, ipod photos and magazine pitchers. there was one, yes, ONE, abstract artist. i rather liked her work. then i saw her standing alone with her name tag and suspected she was an alien like me. i wanted to ask her how it felt to be the singular abstract artist of her group, but she was austere and appeared somewhat stern and i did not have enough of the red wine to do so, or even to say hey nice work. otherwise, it was all so tame. (but friendly) and omigod. i have never in my life seen so many SNACKS at an opening. i am not kidding. there were more snacks than art. and there was a lot of art. so it was interesting, but i felt terribly lonely. even more so, walking home in the dark in a town where the only people walking are a few mexican high school students (and the tourists on main street, during daylight hours only, of course). i keep wondering if this was a good idea. if my family weren't here, i might well be thinking of A. gobbling pills or B. stealing money and leaving again. but then, if they were not here, i would not have come anyway.

i'm just not sure what to ... do ... next.

2011-11-05T21:36:00.000-05:00

everything seems a little unreal and i remain in an alternate universe. lately.
sure, i have a little home now. and my things are (mostly) unpacked, around me.
but i am seldom ... here ...

instead, out and about, helping mi familia, visiting, shuttling, working (no, not exactly a Real Job. well, that kind, but Real Work anyway). the past week, i have been home only a few hours. i have spent two nights here and i felt like a stranger. i slept more soundly at the Marriott Courtyard in Harlingen last week than i do in "my own home", which still feels like somewhere i have crept in off the street, boxes and clothes along with me, looking over my shoulder. i am eating weirdly and my clothes are looser, not so attractively. i found my hippieJeans, with patches and beads this morning. they fit. (wheee!) today i hiked in Lost Maples state park with my Margaret and her Adam and Darby the dog. it was lovely. of course, i saw more color and drama on an ordinary walk to campus in Kansas, any autumn, than i did there, but it was sweet anyway. and i climbed a steep hill.

last weekend i almost finished lots of new pieces. they are propped around the walls and already when i look at them i roll my eyes. i just can't stay connected to my work. or myself. lately. i read books, do some laundry, pack my bags again. it is all interesting. and i carry on.

2011-10-27T19:06:00.000-05:00

about that october project ...

mmm ... well things got a little busy i guess. i was terribly well-intentioned and got an AMAZING amount done, but ... it will not be done. i'm not even sure where i really want to go with the pieces although i know i will go, because they are too good to toss (yet).

maybe it seems like i have not done very much artMaking this summer? have i shown anything? no? oh. well, surprise. despite the fact that i thought i was doing quite a bit of piddling, when i moved my belongings from my sister's house last week, i was astounded to be dragging out 3 large shopping bags full of completed/in-progress art. art soothes. it is a good thing i had no expectations about having an ordinary home, because this tiny joint is indeed studio, sleeping room, tiny kitchen, small bath ... and storage space (for which i am intensely grateful, having copious amounts of completed/in-progress art). i do hope to have some sitting chairs eventually.

i realize i have developed some agoraphobia and i MUST get over it, so one evening a couple of nights ago, i made myself go out and walk at early sunset. i fell in love with my weird little neighborhood. trailers, live oaks, grandma houses, dirt yards with chickens, goats and YES ... llamas, some new fancy places, like the reconstructed Fredericksburg Herb Farm, where we have been going for years, but it is now this freaky, upscale, "spa" with the gardens bulldozed for cutesy cottages. the original owner still seems to have a house on the estate and has an Urban Garden, a little business. that is his gate and i love it.

tonight it is my first cold front and my first solo "outing" since living here. i walked back to the Herb Farm, where there was an event of art in the garden and an $89/dinner/wine/thing (um. no. i just wanted to see the art stuff.) and i did. it was mostly watercolor and i had a supreme attack of Lonely Alien, but i was glad i went out. and i am glad it is cold. and i am REALLY glad that i spent the day at my new artTable.

this new life is very strange.

2011-10-23T20:48:00.000-05:00

i have no picture for this (as it was dark), only words.

tonight i had my first nighttime walk in my new town, my new neighborhood. it has to be done, you know. i almost went last night, i was so restless, so tired of being cooped up trying to find places for THINGS. but i didn't, feeling quite agoraphobic.

tonight as i was eating my corn pasta and spinach and squash, after consuming nearly a bottle of 3-buck-chuck (chardonnay), the HEB version of Trader Joe's 2-buck-chuck (everything is bigger in Texas, including prices), i longed for a bowl of crunchySnacks to take to bed for reading time. yes, even at the end of dinner, i can still consider crunchySnacks. so i put on my bra and shoes and grabbed my string bag and headed out. my neighborhood streets are quiet and mostly dark at 8pm. some houses had no lights. some houses had piles of plants and pumpkins. most houses are small and glancing through the windows i can see we share a common goal of making things fit and function. if this were Austin, the houses would be inhabited by hippies and hipsters. in San Antonio, maybe people a little edgier and desperate. here, just ... people. there were no blue glows of TeeVee. no loud music. few dogs barking. i felt safe on St Mary's Street. how could you not?

the HEB was too well-lit with fluorescents, so i passed through quickly, fetching my box of crunchySnacks and 2 organic yogurts. i paid and acquired some cashback and escaped. there are different people on a Sunday night and that was interesting. i headed downtown, hearing distant music and wondered if something was actually "going on". no. nothing. very quiet. cars, of course, this is Texas. and one couple walking a tinyDog. me swinging my stringBag. i detoured off the big street and ... gulp ... decided to cross the dark pedestrian bridge over the creek. sure enough when i was half way across, i saw there was A Figure at the end. i picked up my pace and jauntily passed the man speaking intimately on his cell phone and said 'scuse me - "si" he said.

i arrived home. i call this home, now? i'm nosy, but the windows of my fellow inhabitants in this 4-plex are dark or non-existent. i see the Motorcycle Guy at the kitchen sink. does he cook? how do 4 people fit into that place?? my downstairs neighbor has lights, but blinds shut. no spying. i haven't met her. the old people are probably fast asleep. i climb the stairs to my place. my security light is set too high and i have to wave my hand to make it come on. i come in. wait. do i not smell that damn cigarette scent?? did my carpet cleaning work?? oh i hope! so. now to my nest (i have no reading chair yet) with a book and my crunchySnacks. it is weird and quiet here. but i guess it will be ok for an alien. for a while.

maybe.

2011-10-16T19:54:00.001-05:00

this is not my beautiful house. or my beautiful shed.
but i *do* have a house now. well sort of. not exactly a house. or a shed, more of a garage apartment. which, taking into account the charming architecture of my new town, i will now call ... my Faux SundayHouse.

plenty of news since i was last here (in public). a fabuloso week with both girls. continued unemployment. continued confusion. then finally - ergh i can't stand it anymore!! - a little apartment presented itself. i was wanted. i could afford it. so i did it. i will live in Fredericksburg. it is where i have been for 4 months now and it is becoming homey, even though i still have some heartache for The Big City (Austin!!). but Austin seemed to not want me and i have become tired of the struggle. today my amazing youngest sister and her husband and tiny Kathy (all who i have been living with for 4 months) and i moved ALL my things from storage to the new place. they are so kind and good and i wish i could do something wonderful for them, too. i am glad i will still be in the same town with them. but i am glad to be IN a town! not in the country! i will be able to walk everywhere. or at least ride my bike. it will be weird, because of course, in Texas, everyone DRIVES. but i remain an alien.

tonight i am back in Austin, dogsitting. i like living in Margaret's spare apartment in Austin. i do love it here so much. this town. but i will be ok. i WILL. i expect to find some interesting work in Fredericksburg. maybe even friends. it is small and safe and sane there. leaving plenty of mental energy for Art. and i can come to the city anytime!

i am really looking forward to seeing all my STUFF again and making an artTable and my own nest and just everything. a Home.

2011-10-01T21:14:00.000-05:00

for the past several or so years i have had an october project. an art project, of course. or photo project. or mixed. or ... something. this morning i realized it was october 1. finally. summer is OVER. i have not thought of an october project. i am so unsettled still. but i decided to do one anyway. so i started. i have no concept or specific plan, but i know it will be *something* - involving 31 small pieces, which are now heavily in progress. i wonder what will happen. i will be sure to share.

2011-09-18T08:10:00.000-05:00

pretty much doing the the same things lately -- with the exception that is not so hot to go out in daylight and look at some things and make some pictures. yesterday we had a "family outing" to the Fredericksburg Trade Days. at first it seemed so strange and post-apocalyptic, all the funky booths full of junk, etc. then it started to grow on me. we are contemplating alternative ways to earn income. as i am *still* unemployed. argh. in 3 months, i have probably submitted nearly one hundred applications (probably a slight exaggeration... but... it feels like it) and have had 2 calls for interview. one i actually thought i might be offered, but ... nope. and i am still living with family. which is fine, as they are sweet as pie, but man i miss My Own Stuff. i have been making small artStuff that i am not sure i am pleased with. on Monday, Betsy will come to Austin and it will be so wonderful to see her again after NINE months. i HATE being away from her that long. we will all live at Margaret's and also visit our family in the country during the week or so she is here. we will have fun. time to hit the trail.

2011-08-18T09:13:00.000-05:00

strange that it has been a month since i have written. SO not like me. but what do i write? everything is the same right now. still in transition. still hot as hellfire. still seeking gainful employment. still seeking a home. some things have become more clear to me. as much as i liked the idea of living on unemployment in some shack and painting all day, it doesn't seem like that can quite work out (considering even an RV costs about $600/month!) although i have tried to be open-minded about *where* i want to live, i have realized that i am not a small town chick. *definitely* not a country one. so i am focusing on San Antonio and Austin. i adore Austin, but it is expensive to live there and i will need a Real Job again. full time. i actually would love to work at UT again and am well-qualified for LOTS of the available jobs, but ... well ... LOTS of other people are, too. what competition! and San Antonio is very interesting, too. in a totally different way. it is not as hip, but i find it has much more character. i could walk around and make pictures of crusty stuff for years. so i have been making applications there, too.

still making pictures ... still gluing papers down ... hiking ... looking ... dreaming. onward.

2011-07-19T21:50:00.001-05:00

i am starting to think that (for me) journaling (online or otherwise) is an act that is done in periods of solitude. i can barely do this lately. i don't want to give it up, but i forget to think about writing or messing with pictures. sure, i am making pictures. downloading. looking at them. buying a pogo printer so i can print them out and put them on some new pieces i've been working on. but i haven't felt like putting them online. i definitely haven't felt like writing. i sort of miss mySelf. but everything is fine. i can't believe i have been here for a month already. i still have no job prospects and i still don't even know where i want to live. i am leaning more toward San Antonio now, because Austin seems far too expensive. maybe i'm not cool enough to live in Austin now. or too old. i dunno.

anyway ... last week i accompanied my sister and little Kathy to The Valley (in Texas language, that means the Rio Grande Valley). her family business is there and she must go down about once a week for a couple of days. this was to be a longer stay and she wanted her girlie and i was supposed to be working, but i didn't do much. i *did* learn all about RV architecture though. very interesting...

and we went to the beach one evening, ate on a pier, walked in the moonlight, spent the night and in the morning i got up early to walk in the sunrise! it was so beautiful, even though the actual rise took place behind some clouds. then we went to the Birding Center and the Sea Turtle Rescue center and a huge tacky shell shop. it was all good.

2011-07-10T15:58:00.001-05:00

der stadt friedhof : fredericksburg tx

another long string of pitchers. that seems to be about what i am good for lately. at least creativity isn't *totally* dead. well, i have been making some curious collages, too. it is hard to stay very focused though. so much going on. tomorrow, my sister and niece and i shall head down to the valley to work at the family business for a few days. we might also go to the beach!! i hope to see a sunrise ... and some nice birds. otherwise ... onward. (ps - four applications w/out response so far. eep. and i have a nice black skirt and some straightLady black shoes all ready to go...maybe i'm not supposed to have a Real Job?)

2011-07-06T07:33:00.005-05:00

no time for much beyond a string of darkish, not-really-representative-of-life-at-all (because in reality it is bright and hot and washed-out every day) images of some recent random activities. life is busy now, even though i often feel "lazy". besides the continued early morning hikes and manual labor in the barn/gallery, there have also been excursions - to the First Friday Artwalk with the family, including Kathy in her tutu, Mexican food, to Austin for a couple of days with Margaret and a hike on the greenbelt, which is not very green in this drought-ridden land, but we *did* find a relic of a swimming hole. Betsy cut off all her hair and she is so pretty and i miss her. i also miss my solitude and my stuff and my poet, but mostly everything is A-OK. especially since the unemployment debit card finally got here.

2011-06-24T07:09:00.000-05:00

i didn't really disappear once i got to Texas (although it sort of feels like it, everything is so different), but i have just been REALLY tired and REALLY busy (in a very different way). the moving went pretty well, it was awesome to have Margaret come to help me, and i knew Betsy was thinking of me and wishing she were helping too (she sent $$ to help with gas and snacks and called us for moral support as we were cleaning the miniLoft the last night). having Margaret helped me be much less sad and stressed. all of the things i was so worried about went smoothly, despite the fact that i had a royal shaft from uHaul less than 24 hours before the move was to begin and had to find another truck/tow trailer right away. i did, with my local Penske guys, they were so good and helpful and i will probably never use a uHaul again. the truck was bigger than i wanted, but all was the same price, so i took all the rest of my stuff off craigslist and freecycle and kept it, since i knew it would fit.

the drive took FOREVER. but it was ok. even fun, with Margaret. and we did finally get here, well, i did. i detoured to the outskirts of Austin at midnight, where a friend picked her up, so i wouldn't have to get up at the crack of dawn, which was far too near, to take her back to Austin next day so she could catch up on her summer schoolwork.

next day was unloading tinaMerlot and unpacking. it all went smoothly and quickly with the help of mi familia. i really didn't have much stuff. we didn't even have to work hard to fit it into the 10 x 10 storage. next day the truck went back and i was so glad for *that* to be done and over. i had just enough $$ for the whole thing. since then, i have been visiting, nannying (Kathy), helping out where i can and trying not to feel too sad and even "homesick". it was very bad the first day. i miss my poet. and i wonder where my home will be. and what my purpose will be. Kathy and i have been doing some artstuff and that is fun. i introduced her glitter glue and she is enamored, as am i.

i've been hiking on the property, doing my 3 miles in a loop here, but yesterday i went to town so i could do a longer hike in neighborhoods and make some pictures. that was good. there will be more. but today, more visiting... to my mother's. then next week, i have to start thinking about ... working ... or something! i like unemployment, and i got a nice little $$ awarded, but i don't think i can have my own home without a Real Job, so i probably need one of those, although i would love to get away without one.

wow i can't believe i snuck all these words in this morning! now time to hike though, then onward...

2011-06-15T20:18:00.002-05:00

most of the pictures i have been making lately are pictures of my STUFF - in order to coerce freecyclers and craiglisters to come TAKE and BUY. it is working pretty well. my beloved miniLoft is almost empty and quite unrecognizable. this will be my last missive from the miniLoft, in fact. tomorrow is psychotically busy, then friday, start to load the truck, go to the airport in KC to pick up margaret, back to finish the truck and for her, visit a bit. sleep. drive. turn me into a Texan again.

but i have had a few good breaks from this upheaval. i spent last weekend with my poet, which is always sweet, even though this time was terribly sad and dammit, i wish he were coming, too. now. but ... better for only one homeless unemployed person to be foisted upon my family at a time. we saw Super 8, which was fabulous.

and today, i got to hang out and play with Traci for a while, doing our favorite things (eating and picturemaking). in all the time i have been here, the one thing i am most unhappy about is how poorly i connected with others, like having a social life. but i am so glad that Traci has been my friend and studiomate and partner-in-toycamera-adventures all these years. we have learned lots together and had the most fun. i can't wait to hang out with her in Austin! i know she will love it there. and they are going to love having her teach her amazing artStuff, too. it will happen!

now i am finished with work for the day. it feels weird in here. i will hide in a book.

the next time you hear from me, i will be a Texan.

2011-06-09T18:05:00.000-05:00

sometimes i feel like this has been my life, especially in the last years, except ... where is Art in there? but i know it is not true. there has been much between the lines.

today was my last day in the office. tomorrow i will be officially unemployed. it has happened. if you have read this mess long enough and listened to some of my fussing about life in the fluorescent prison, you might think i left the place jumping and singing. wrong. it was weird. i feel weird. i left feeling i had left something undone. something wrong. probably it is not true, but ... i'm not sure. i felt no joyous explosion, as i have felt at other endings. i managed to say some goodbyes, and left without tears, although i was a bit worried they might seep out. there are some people i have really liked there. the goodbyes have been stringing out for a month, so today wasn't too traumatic, but still ... hard. it has been over 10 years there. a big part of my life.

anyway, onward, i guess. now a week of packing, with an interval in the city with the poet, where i have made him promise we won't sit around being sad. i don't even have that much packing left, as i have been stringing it out, too. tomorrow, the artTable will shut down. i'm ready.

this is all exciting. but scary, too.

2011-06-04T08:38:00.000-05:00

sometimes i think people set up scenes just for me.
including arranging the curtains just so.
they must know i will be walking by that day
with my ipod.

i probably would have suggested the pillow
on the chair to the left however.
shhhhhh.

2011-05-30T10:03:00.001-05:00

we went to the prairie again : some pictures here

i swear i took my bigGirl camera. but i never pulled her out of my pack. poor thing.

this was our weekend holiday to the prairie. in the past, the poet and i have visited the Tallgrass Prairie, but last year we finally discovered the Konza Prairie and decided to go there and take The Long Hike. we love the spring wildflowers. the weather was a little iffy, as it has been all spring, but we woke on Friday and i said "let's just GO anyway". so we did. on Friday was the driving portion of our trip. we took one of our favorite scenic drives and drove through a little town i love (Alma, so many handsome stone buildings) - we bought some cheese at the Alma Cheese Factory. it was too early to check into our motel in Wamego, and the few dining establishments (mostly fast food chains) did not look appealing, so we drove on to Manhattan, about 14 miles away.

it was a gloomy day, sprinkling off and on. we ate a late lunch at a dive in the student neighborhood - do they *really* call it "Aggieville"?? - the Hibachi Hut. at least it was local. i hate chains unless i am desperate. the we drove around Kansas State University so i could look at the buildings. they were very handsome. next we went to the old downtown and walked around. also, very handsome buildings. we went into a gallery i had heard of, the Strecker-Nelson and it was very pleasant - the space, the work, the owners - *and* their awesome little dog! we wandered around a little more. the town was a curious mix. it wasn't "hip" like Lawrence. i felt like i was in another decade. there were even thrift shops and appliance stores downtown. and strangely, lots of bridal shops. a wonderful theatre and apartment/hotel building.

back to Wamego and we checked into our mom and pop motel. it was clean and neat and the bikers across the way weren't noisy at all. the poet grumbled a bit about paying a few dollars more than the Motel 6 in Manhattan advertised, but i would always rather do the local thing, i reminded him. he understands really. just likes to grumble sometimes. we threw our stuff down, then went out to wander in the small town of Wamego. it was a tidy, proud place and again i felt like i was in another decade. i finally made some pictures. mostly i just wanted to wander and look though.

next morning, it was misty and STILL gray, but not threatening, so we packed up and went back downtown to the local coffee joint, The Daily Grind. we decided to eat breakfast there, too, even though there was first, ahem, some grumbling about price. but i sure didn't want MickeyD's!! it was an interesting old building, with ceiling fans run off pulleys. i had never seen anything like that. the building must have been an old saloon. the coffee was awesome, because both of us became slightly euphoric on the drive to the prairie. i mean, it *was* a nice drive, but ...

finally we arrived at the Konza Prairie and set out for the 6 mile hike. this time i had plenty of water and we had snacks, too. i have been walking with a little pack, back and forth to work, and carrying stuff is fine now. i'm strong! the hike was gorgeous, the sky cleared and by the end we had blue skies. the terrain was varied and i even found some old structures! we saw lots of new wildflowers and some good birds, but sadly, no upland sandpipers. once we saw a baby bird in the path and have still been unable to identify him. i think he might have been an upland sandpiper! it was really a beautiful hike. and it felt like a piece of cake. i am so glad to be in better shape this year. we ate sandwiches back at the car, watching the sky and grasses. then we drove home. it was such fun. and i am so proud of my car, tinaMerlot - she was GREAT. that was her longest trip ever.

2011-05-20T07:16:00.000-05:00

sometimes the iPod can do really sweet things.
even with its cheezy miniPixel camera.

i like it.

2011-05-16T07:43:00.000-05:00

(note: this is from last week, Friday? when blogger was DOWN. gasp.)

it turned hot - really hot - this week, so on monday i had to go walk early. no lounging about with the laptop in bed and two cups of coffee. i didn't like sweating, but i did like finding this "installation" in a hard shell suitcase, sitting on a neighborhood corner, next to a short stone wall. i examined it carefully, in just the way i taught the girls when they were little - Eyes Only. of course, i used my iPod, too. there were also lots of irises. i had to break down and turn on the A/C. but only for two days, because it is nice and cool again now. whew. i will get enough of that hot stuff in Texas. i don't want it yet. the rest of the week i felt achy and tired. i don't know why. stress, i guess. i also got two zits, which is ridiculous at my age. i am clearing out lots of artJunk, sorting and tossing and packing it up. i think i am almost finished gluing into books now - and have already packed them away to finish on a future someday. same with the canvases. it is odd for them to be gone now. i have been going through photographs (real ones) and ephemera. feeling nostalgic and odd about my time here, longer than i have ever spent anywhere. i am still really worried about the car hauling and started thinking again about just selling the car and getting a new junker in Texas. but i really love tinaMerlot, even though she is such a ruffian. i just don't know...my stomach is growling already. there is nothing good to eat for breakfast. i can get a powerBar when i get gas, on the way to the big city. but that is almost 3 hours from now. ugh! not even a banana in there. i am glad to go see the poet, but i am sort of bored by Kansas City now. we always do the same things. i am ready for new things. thank god the weather turned, though, because his ceiling fan broke. i will have to help him put his AC unit in a window. it's scary. the window sill is very old. i'm always afraid we will drop the unit out the window. i really wish i knew where i was going to live and what my life was going to be. i even wonder what i really want. some mystery and possibility is exciting, but maybe there is a little too much for right now. i don't know. rambling. time to go research a new restaurant for lunch. oh great. and i'm starving. well, onward.

2011-05-08T07:41:00.001-05:00

yesterday i made up for the lack of pictures for May. it was a great walk. i felt achy and tired at first and thought i might only make a couple of miles. but i was having such fun. then i stopped downtown for froYo and saw a flyer for a "Save the Poehler" party, that was just starting. so i decided to hike over there. i wanted to go in. The Poehler is the old building where Traci and i had our studio for several years. it was a grand time. i loved being in that space. many cities have lots of crusty old brick warehouses, but we only have that one. the first time i saw it, just after i moved here, i squealed "oh i would love to have a studio there!!!!" and a few months later - i DID. now it is run down (even worse than when we were there) and heavily tagged. some developer wants to turn it into "affordable housing". maybe he will. anything is better than destroying it. but i didn't get to go in and see the old studio one last time. only fat cats were allowed in. the peons must stay out in the cracked parking lot and eat hot dogs and listen to a lousy band on a flatbed trailer. i walked around and made some pictures, then hiked home and ate some ibuprofen. it was a great walk.

2011-05-07T08:26:00.001-05:00

i wanted to write something (finally) but oh! no picture? i checked my image folder - *nothing* in there for May. i checked the iPod - a couple of dark grungy flowers that i don't remember capturing, but they were dated "May", so i guess i made them in the last week or so? so i downloaded the new free Chinese photo app that Traci recommended and walked around the house playing with it while the second cup of coffee dripped. it's fun. i like the magicky filter. and i like that there is no English, only Chinese text. this is my view right now. i like writing in my bed, smelling leftover incense from last night, hearing the oriole singing in the tree outside. everything is damp and fresh this morning. thunderstorms in the night. and no monkeyMind. what a relief. it's getting rough around here. anxiety has caught up with me now. making this transition all alone. figuring out stuff. paying for it. etc. trying to see a picture of my life 3 months from now. i can't. i have no idea.

so instead i live in the now. doing my usual things, gluing shreds, tossing out and re-packing boxes, trying to minimize even more, taking the long walks, reading garbage because that is all i can concentrate on lately, appreciating spring, eating properly (yes, still! even with stress!), wondering a little, trying to keep an open mind, but realizing what will not be possible no matter how open i try to be, saving pennies, sneezing, wondering more. and etc. i am waiting until the last week to tear up my living space, because i want it to stay calm and MINE as long as possible. i dread not having my own home for a while.

i contemplate what kind of art my hands can do in a transitional, homeless period. maybe i should return to a little stitching for a while? or put paint in a book? nah. too messy. i can't really draw, but i might try some of that. whatever it is, i'll have to work out of a box. but i'm sure i'll do something. when i am settled i think my work will change. but i'm not sure how. it has already changed, even during this period. something like a kid's scrapbook that doesn't make any sense. but is somehow gratifying. mostly books, some canvasses. it's all unfinished - awaiting. the next stage? well, enough. onward.

2011-04-28T19:35:00.001-05:00

finally i found some azaleas. i knew there were still some in this town. the ones i used to see seem to have been dug out and some crummy carefree stuff planted. but hurray! these! needless to say, they make me long for spring wanderings in New Orleans. it has been so so so long. sometimes i wonder if i will ever be able to GO like that again. it seems so impossible. i put my face into these. even though i had to trespass.

now that the weird overHot days of pre-spring have passed and it is sweetSpring, all is lovely. there has been much gray and damp, but i don't really mind. when days like today come, there is enchantment in bright green leaves and clear blue skies and 60-something temps. i will miss this kind of spring. even though i am SO ready to get moving, i am realizing all the things i will miss. tall trees, brick sidewalks, old farmish houses, real winter, real spring, that stuff. environmental stuff. in so many ways, this was my "ideal" town. but i just didn't fit. or something. and now - can i please just be gone? six more weeks. wow.

i have been doing more internal than external clearing and packing. usually at 3am. ugh. but i am clearing out tangible things, too. tons of paper. photographs. small tubes of toothpaste and hotel soaps. i probably won't need that stuff now. at least not by the time i am finally unpacked in my own real home again. i'm not sure when that will be. or where. for a while i will live in Fredericksburg with my youngest sister. i will be her Personal Assistant! i will also be looking for a "real job" in Austin or San Antonio or ... somewhere. something. the idea of another 8-5, yessir, fluorescentPrison job is so unappealing though, and i long for some other magic. it may be tossed at me in a form i shrink from, though. i don't want to think about it now. mostly i am trying to keep a open mind and a good attitude. but when i tried to watch the video about how to attach the car trailer to the uHaul the other day, i panicked and almost cried and vomited. i just don't see how i will be able to do THAT all alone. i am not mechanical. but i want my car. my tinaMerlot.

there is a lot going on. but i'm ok. i'm making gluebooks and that keeps me healthy. (not to mention, diminishes stashes of ephemera!)

2011-04-24T08:46:00.002-05:00

easter in the alley

2011-04-22T07:53:00.002-05:00

here is another dark ipodish image, featuring my newest app - Camtastic, or something? ha. i have so many i can't remember their names, much less to use them. no really, i don't keep more than 8 or 9, because i'm a minimalist. and not that many of them are really very cool. i think this one might be, though. check that dark grunge. i can never get enough of it! it looks *just* like our spring - dark, gloomy, with sparks of pink, violet and yellow, coronas of lime green. this morning so dark i had to turn on the fairy lights. i admit i love this gloom (but not for days and days on end, thank you), thundery, damp - but i am glad i don't have to walk to the office this morning! i am spoiled rotten by my part time schedule.

otherwise, everything remains the same, as i dangle in my transitory state. long walks, now i have my ipod full of spanish lessons instead of bajofondo and jefferson starship. my butt *is* shrinking, but i still have excessive quanitities of that dreaded Belly Fat. this was an artless week, as i had a dreary project to complete, which i did, can turn it in today, be done, i hope - and then return to more charming pursuits. i see glue and paper and redWine and macBook theatre in my future for this weekend!

i walk around here and realize i am already gone, my spirit at least. i'll be glad when my body can follow. i'll also be glad when i have my own home again, because i already miss this one. my miniLoft has been the most excellent home. there *are* things i will miss...

2011-04-17T21:12:00.000-05:00

i don't know what this means and i don't know why i'm putting this here. i seem to want to write *something* and i can't seem to write *something* without a Picture. oh this damn visual online journaling. suckssobad sometimes. what does "huelga" mean, anyway? i've been working on my spanish again, really. but this i don't know and maybe i don't care. if it is political i don't care. but the cat. i care. i miss *my* cat. last week, three times, i saw a cat that looked EXACTLY like King Tubby - each cat was different (but the same). once i even called him ... "Tubby? hey buddy?" and the cat turned around and looked "what?". well, of course it wasn't him. i seem to be feeling much loss lately. i have stayed in this place too long and now i am leaving and even though i have few connections (beyond my poet), i still feel much loss. much nostalgia. it is driving me crazy. sometimes i wonder how i will do it - leave - all of these tall trees and the old houses and the Real spring and the Real winter and my poet and my mini-loft and the brick sidewalks and the the the. hmm. what? i don't know! it's weird. i've never been anywhere for so long and i've become old and stuck and it is so hard to GO. of course i want to. of course i do. but ... but .... but ... this feels so crazy. enough! anyway, the poet and i had a lovely wildflower hike today. my ipodography sucked (mostly), but my fitness level is awesome. i'm astounded. never think you are too old! i can CLIMB now. without dying.

2011-04-09T09:31:00.001-05:00

spring is really here now. there are still lots of brown branches and some crusty grass, but lots and lots of bright green, yellow, magenta and white. noisy birds. lace curtains blowing. sweet sweet sweet. i've been outside a lot, walking, but not making that many pictures. the workWalk is rather dull, done for exercise only. and sometimes i just walk hard and fast on the levee, which is also rather dull, but great for doing spanish lessons on my iPod and not looking like a weirdo talking to myself on the street. sometimes i want to walk hard and fast and not have to worry about cars and curbs. it is all working, my jeans don't wanna stay up now. and i can't quite fit into the old beloved ones. and new ones *definitely* aren't in the budget. i guess i will have to get a rope to tie 'em up. but i am not fussing. i am HAPPY about it. i really feel good and have LOTS more energy. which is good, because i have LOTS to do before mid-June.

this day is sort of an anniversary. i've been writing and picturing my life online for 10 years now. that is sort of scary. in a way, i feel like enough is enough. it's not *that* much fun anymore, it is not the odd and extreme thing to do as it was when i started. so many "blogs" now - so many pictures and personal details. i still hate that word blog and won't use it. but still, journaling online seems to be my best way to document a life that is important to me - mine. i just won't do it on paper. and i *do* like to keep track. even though most of the old stuff isn't publicly available anymore (jeez! it was SO awful! massive whining and moaning and selfportraiture!! ack!), i like to go back and recall those times. it is too often a torment, but i'm glad i wrote it all down. and i guess one of the best things is the people i have come to know online. yes, that is the best. so even though i often feel boring now, i'm sticking around.

now it is time to eat and run, then sort and pack, then use up more artStuff ... onward.

2011-04-07T13:37:00.002-05:00

i will post this Thank You everywhere!

and maybe the sweet faraway unknown friend in that little town in New York State will see it and know i am so HAPPY - i LOVE it - and you, too! thank you thank you!

2011-03-30T19:15:00.001-05:00

i suppose i should make a public service announcement...
there are some pretty nice little pieces in my etsy shop that will soon be expiring. they will not be re-listed until after The Big Transition - and possibly not then. so this is sort of last call. i won't be adding any new items until i am settled, probably in the fall. and who knows what i will be making then!? i *will* be offering some really weird ephemera packs in the next month or so, however, because there is NO WAY i am moving all this stuff with me. the ephemera i can toss in the trash if necessary, it's just paper and stuff, right? sniff. right? but the artPieces ... sigh ... i wish they could go to new homes!

go see if you like?

2011-03-25T08:00:00.001-05:00

i keep thinking i might be getting sick of using only my iPod to make pictures, but then i download a new little app or try a different combination of lens/film on the hipstamatic ... and it fits so easily into my pocket ... *and* when i am walking, there is also music! how can i not love it so dearly? it is the ultimate toy camera.

i'm not sure why i only pop in here on Friday mornings to write. remember when i used to write stuff 2 or 3 times a day? i do. now it seems silly. i'm not sure i like writing about myself at all anymore. i've mostly returned to inhibition. i barely talk to anyone. it doesn't seem to matter. i know this is kind of a curling-up-before-the-big-transition time so i am ok with it now and don't even feel very lonely. i walk around my miniLoft and mentally note the things i will toss away or keep. i use up as much artStuff as i can, because it cannot all go with me. i wonder how big a uHaul i will need and how much will it cost. i wonder if anyone will help me. i know i don't have enough $$ for such a transition and am not really sure how i will do it. once or twice a week i wake in a panic and can't go back to sleep, but mostly i don't fret. i do sort of wonder where i will live. and how i will fit into family dynamics again after being the outsider for over 20 years.

mostly i am focused on good habits and discipline lately. long fast walks, flossing, eating mostly protein/veggies, arting insted of flopping in bed with a book, being calm, saving every penny possible, keeping things clean. these things really help my mental state, too. i think i might be out of my skull with anxiety if i were still drinking a box of wine a week and eating noodles and popcorn every night while i read mystery paperbacks.

last weekend the poet came to my house and we had a pretty nice stayCation. we ate some good food and watched macBook theatre, of course. we can't go out to the movies here. you could not pay me to go to our only Big Theatre. it is overpriced and really dirty and the seats are broken/uncomfortable. i HATE it. and the old downtown theatre that i love had movies we have already seen, but they do have an excellent video store attached, so we went there. we had some hikes in the woods and at the new wetlands, but it was cold and gray and damp and there were no wildflowers yet. still, good.

now this is my long weekend alone. i hope it doesn't rain all weekend! there are now flowers to be seen and my iPod and i will hike and hunt for them all through the neighborhoods. and there is so much paper ephemera to be used up. i keep thinking i will bring a big canvas in. i am now up to 18 x 24, but even that didn't feel big enough. and some red wine is allowed on the weekends. yes! onward!

2011-03-18T08:24:00.001-05:00

another week with LOTS of walking. last week i put in 20 miles, because i took superLong hikes on the weekend. i was so proud of myself. i have been semi-agoraphobic this winter and i feel like i am getting over it now. yay. and i didn't just walk the neighborhoods, even though they felt enchanted in the gloomy lateWinter with the new Tejas lens on the iPod hipstamatic! wheeee. one day i hiked on The Levee, our town's "hike and bike trail" along the river. it's pretty bleak, actually, boring. but it was good for power hiking without worrying about cars and lumpy sidewalks, stuff like that. on the way back, i went into the woods on the mountain biking (ha ha) trail. at least it was different! and i found a DUMP! sure i love nature in the woods, but it is always exciting to find a human dump from old times. it is like archaeology. rusty cans, bits of broken bottles and pottery shards. we have an old dump on our family property in Texas and i have loved to poke through it since i was little. in the one last weekend, i found a WHOLE crusty bottle with a rusted-on lid and interesting brown stains inside - a WHOLE whiteGlass bottle with a couple of nicks and a really heavy metal and porcelain lid for a canning jar. i want to use them for still life photos. and i want to go BACK!

otherwise, glueing lots of paper bits, watching library films, eating healthy stuff, then back to work and now it is the weekend again. good. i have cleaned up my miniLoft and will go to the city to fetch the poet and bring him back here for the weekend. we meant to have some hiking, but it is black as night out there. i hope it doesn't plan to rain ALL weekend. at least it is not cold. it has been amazing. i saw daffodils yesterday! early ones, to be sure, but still...

i feel like my new good habits are kicking in and i feel lighter, definitely *better* - less lethargic and puffy. healthier. now for the real test. i washed my jeans. will they feel awful when i first button them? or ok? gulp...

2011-03-11T08:21:00.001-06:00

it seems spring may actually come after all. eventually. finally i saw a crocus yesterday. three actually. normally i see them in mid- to late-february. and forsythias even, by now. but not this year. winter started late and is lasting forever. but i'm sure it will seem short once i am in the midst of boiling summer. the climate change is pretty unsettling. i am thinking about Japan this morning. i'm sure my mother is watching the news and thinking about California. well, me, too. i almost texted Betsy to say it might be a good day to go to the mountains or something. but it was only 5am there and she would probably not like that. she will go to work in downtown LA and not the beach anyway. and David works in San Francisco. i hope he is not going diving this weekend! i can't believe there are still people who think that the issues of climate change are just some liberal bullshit.

sometimes i feel guilty for not writing more and regularly. i miss my old rambling. but i just don't seem to have *words* lately. or pictures even. and i'm not showing my new artStuff yet (if ever). so what is there to share? hmm. maybe i will be more interesting (or my life will) once i am in a new environment. yes, it WILL. because i am going to MAKE it so. i've had enough of this solitude, quiet, disinterest. i am ready for more liveliness. now matter where i end up.

it is the longlonelyweekend at home and i am mostly glad. i have things i am working on. it is warm and dry enough for lengthy walks. maybe with pictures! i have books. i might have some red wine. i am happy enough.

2011-03-04T08:12:00.001-06:00

finally a week wherein i could actually walk to and from work every single day. good. it is two miles each way. i realized it takes the same time to walk halfway to campus, then catch the park&ride bus to west campus as it does to walk, and i really need the exercise, so that is what i do now. the weather has been a hindrance since i made that decision. cold i don't mind, but slippery ice or freezing ice flying in my face, harsh winds, no thank you. nevertheless i managed to slide down on some black ice one morning this week. at least i didn't crack my tailbone and a molar this year, only bruised and pulled a hip. i got up and kept walking. what else to do.

the new walk is rather boring, and i am happy to have my ipod loaded with my favorite tunes. sometimes i snap a piccie if i find something worthy. i still LOVE my ipod camera insanely. but i can't help but lust for the *better* camera on the iphone. maybe someday. mostly the walk is about exercise. i can't figure out why i am not shrinking faster. i have given up almost every bad thing i used to eat. i barely touch white food. maybe one potato a week. maybe brown rice pasta once a month. even my rice is green now! i haven't touched popcorn since i broke a filling months ago. bread? hardly ever and it is brown and crunchy. fat? no. only a little olive oil. a bit of cheese. lots of veggies and honeycrisp apples. some chicken. lentils. eggs. why am i so stuck??? maybe the walking will make things happen faster. hope.

otherwise, everything is the same as it ever was. plodding along. fingers crossed about the future. etc. glueing bits of paper down, as always, letting pieces get bigger and bigger. seeing what will happen with them.

also, i've decided i am NOT going to do a sale on etsy after all. i don't really think it would generate more sales, because i just don't get much traffic or interest there, other than a few of my online friends. (Thank You!) also, to lower my already shameful prices just feels too degrading. i need to learn to value my work (and myself) more. or is it too late? if i end up with boxes and boxes of artPieces to haul to Texas, maybe i will have a live show sometime. who knows. so i am going to let etsy go, let the pieces on there expire. i am also going to kill my Amazon "bookshop". what a joke! i looked at my inventory and saw that nearly every book i have listed, someone else is selling for a penny. never mind! so i am now taking my books to the used store and taking what they will give me. at least i don't have to bother with shipping.

enough words! onward to the big city and the poet and finally ... The Adjustment Bureau!

2011-02-24T18:01:00.001-06:00

remember these? from waaaaaaayyyyy back in october? i never could decide whether i wanted to sell them or not. they are a great group. but ... they are a great group sitting in a plastic box on my artShelf. they want to go out into the world. and i MUST decrease my belongings even further. so they are now for sale. on etsy, of course!

and i am such a lame artMarketeer, that i forgot to mention all the odd little bits i listed a couple of weeks ago. after a "finishing binge", i ended up with some simple and sweet pieces, most featuring - yes, you are correct! - ipodography. they are quite reasonable, as always.

upcoming will be a ridiculous sale (on older pieces). to be announced. but not tonight. don't even ask how much fun it was listing 31 individual pieces on etsy. well, it keeps me from biting my nails.

onward. thank you for looking.

2011-02-13T09:43:00.000-06:00

the poet's mantel

um. this is about the only picture i have made this month. so far. well, a couple more, quite similar. i am having a quiet month, i guess. staying inside way too much. not enough exercise. *trying* not too eat too much, but i don't feel that hungry lately. giving up most wheat stuff was a good idea. although i have probably been overdoing it on the green pearl rice a little. that is the BEST rice ever. i have been reading a lot and amazingly enough, working quite a bit at the artTable. on some big pieces that i wondered if i would ever manage to proceed on. i am just seeing what happens when i sit and glue paper shreds on them. the poet says that is a good idea for a way to work "just seeing what happens". i can think and plan too hard - and then feel so frustrated when my hands don't cooperate with my fixed mind. i haven't been writing. it even feels hard to write this. i miss writing. and those people i was writing. i am fretting about the end of my job, usually at 3am. i am both glad and scared. today is sunny again and so much warmer. i will go out, i WILL. yesterday i cleaned my kitchen, which felt ridiculous on a finally-beautiful day. but i wanted to and felt glad when it was clean. a dirty stove is depressing. i am worried about judy. i miss my girls. it is still slushy slippery outside. maybe today will finish the melting of the streets and sidewalks at least. i will walk all the way to work and back next week. that will feel good. so. onward, i guess.

2011-02-04T08:41:00.000-06:00

drive by shooting
san antonio texas : january 2011

if i can't wander around shooting things, then driving by is the next best thing. Pam and i had a big agenda for our short time in San Antonio, but we didn't want to miss some of our favorite neighborhoods. i had to work quickly. it was such fun. i loved the bright yellow. it was everywhere.

now out of the nest and off to the city.

and yes, we had lots of snow this week.

2011-01-30T08:10:00.000-06:00

a trip to the buddhist sculpture garden
buddhist temple of san antonio : january 2011

FINALLY.
i am working on some of the images from texas. last week i started feeling "better" as opposed to sort of blahSad since returning. then yesterday i went crazy playing with pictures. still having problems at the artTable though i finished lots of small pieces and put them on my etsy where they long for new homes. but ... that blurb later. this is about the pictures.

my poor bigGirl camera, i barely remember her name - aretha, i think - this was her only chance to come out and play. and it wasn't even with ME, it was with my sister, Pam. these are all her images! i only edited them a little - didn't even transform them. i just wanted to try to show this amazing place a little. i don't know what faction of buddhists are at this temple, but it is amazing, sitting on a couple of acres at the edge of a prissy subdivision, in far northwest san antonio. the parking lot gate was open, so we just parked and began wandering in the sculpture yard and shooting. it was such a happy place, almost childlike. the images have a bit of description, so i won't go on and on, but it was GOOD.

i also finished the driveby shots, which i actually made with aretha. all other images were made with the ipod and i am still working on them. otherwise, walking a lot, trying not to eat like a pig, drinking a little red wine (not now, it's morning), reading too much, flossing regularly and hoping we don't really have 24 hours of ice storm coming up. that stuff is really hard to walk to work in. ice. shudder.

2011-01-24T09:29:00.002-06:00

i'm already a little tired of icyCold hipstamatic photos and you might be too. sorry. not much else around here lately! although one day i was even inclined to make ... gasp ... selfPortraits! it was a little scary. i can't tell if my nose is becoming even more crooked or if it only looks that way because i am fatter? my mother says i should get that radium pellet removed from my face. no way i am having my face cut up. it's bad enough. besides i'm used to my crooked nose now. (i really do hope that radium is not still active though - after 50-some years, surely it is not???)* anyway. i have a face picture on face book now. i was so excited.

the pic above is from Kansas City where i visited the poet (finally!) this weekend. we did our usual fun stuff and even though it was very cold and snowy, we took a walk in the park and the fancyHouse neighborhood. the fresh air felt so good. i haven't had much since returning from Texas and being snowed in/frozen. for some reason, i have had anxieties about winter this year, but i think i am better now, after both driving and walking out in it.

staying inside has given me time to finish a bunch of stuff for MY ETSY SHOP though. again, i have become intimidated and thwarted with bigger pieces, so regressed back to the little things. there are lots of them. and they can be had for mere pennies. well, almost. more arriving daily. at least my hands have been busy.

also, so that i don't bombard my online journal and my tumblr with iPod photos, which i have become deeply in love with, i started a new tumblr just for that purpose : the iPodographer. mostly they are mine, but i am open to finding other images, too. so far, i think only traci and i are having gobs of iPod fun.

i guess i'd better get out of bed now. there is actually sun out there today!

* i was born with a strawberry mark on the side of my nose. the military doc's told a pair of frightened, very young parents that the best way to Get Rid Of It was to implant a radium pellet and nuke it away. i guess it worked. i don't have a strawberry mark. but i have a dented and crooked nose instead. oh well!

2011-01-15T09:09:00.002-06:00

10 scenes from an icyWalk

finally. up to 20 degrees yesterday.
i could take a walk in the alleys with my iPod!

2011-01-10T19:57:00.002-06:00

i'm back from Texas now. i realized on the way back that it was probably the longest time i had stayed there in the 12 years i have lived here. 10 nights! i missed some of my homeStuff but mostly i was having such a grand time that i didn't even care. although i made tons of images, i don't think i am going to try to "catch" up with some kind of photoAdventure to post, or tell a big story. it feels hard to do this thing after being away from it for so long. the funniest thing is that i only used my big girl camera ONCE. for drive-by shooting in South San Antonio. then my sister used it at the amazing sculpture garden at the Buddhist Temple of San Antonio. otherwise ALL images were made by my iPod Touch. some of them were quite lousy, but it was always fun.

i loved visiting all my family and some friends, and of course being with the girls was excellent. we had all kinds of fun, several LONG nature hikes, happy hours, meeting Margaret's sweetie, Adam, playing with her new dog, who loved the hikes as much as we did. he had amazing stamina for a puppy and he has the best manners. we ate good stuff and went to see a stupid but funny movie (Little Fockers) at the Alamo Drafthouse, which seemed very strange to me, to eat and drink in the movies! i spent a few days with my mother in the country and went to San Antonio on a small adventure with one of my sisters. the drive back and forth was very very long. and now it is snowing like crazy and about to be below zero. sigh ... and i spent all my money. but it was totally worth it. now. onward. a new year. starting from here.

2010-12-28T17:39:00.001-06:00

december view : dec 28.10
i've been trying to walk to &from work
when the weather is good.
mostly boring views, but a small good spot of graffiti
probably the last one of the year
off to texas in 1.5 days! yay!

2010-12-23T12:47:00.000-06:00

december view : dec 23.10
off to the city before the Weather comes!
happy hollyDaze, one&all!

2010-12-22T07:13:00.000-06:00

december view : dec 22.10
they finally put a pencil drawer under my new desk
but it was too late
i had already brought cans from home

2010-12-20T17:54:00.001-06:00

december view : dec 20.10

2010-12-19T08:58:00.000-06:00

december view : dec 19.10
some color for yet another gray day

2010-12-17T17:03:00.000-06:00

december view : dec 17.10

it has been so frigging dreary here. and COLD (which i don't really mind). and sometimes windy (which i do, a little). so i haven't been wandering at all, even though i am going crazy wanting to make pictures with my iPod Touch and all those damnFun little photo apps. today was sewing day, so i had to do that first, recycling two ugly dresses into skirts and fixing one skirt that was too long. i still have to sew some new buttons (rhinestones!) on to the "fur coat" that the poet bought me for xmas from our favorite thrift shop last weekend and fix the collar on my favorite trashedout denim jacket. and i fixed my newest overalls, that were too long and are sooooo stiff. now i will try to start breaking them in. then i took the girls' little gifties to the post office and crossed my fingers that Bad People won't steal them if they don't fit in their inadequate apartment mailboxes. then i decided to drive around in the alleys on the east side and do some driveby shooting, so i did. it was good. now i am having some red wine and outside is the same color it was when i woke this morning and has been ALL DAY, it seems like forever. i have almost lost my sunglasses. i feel pretty happy lately. for no special reason, just because. that's good!

2010-12-16T18:51:00.001-06:00

december view : dec 16.10

2010-12-13T18:29:00.001-06:00

december view : dec 13.10

2010-12-12T20:31:00.001-06:00

december view : dec 12.10

2010-12-09T16:39:00.001-06:00

ironDog, brassElephant & uplandSandpiper feathers
december view : dec 09.10

2010-12-08T18:59:00.000-06:00

december view : dec 08.10

photograph by annie leibovitz, december 8. 1980

2010-12-06T19:25:00.000-06:00

december view : dec 06.10

2010-12-05T16:41:00.000-06:00

sitting place

and now i am finally sitting here. after tearing apart my home all weekend, trying to make it better, more functional, more like ME. finally, after over a year, i think i got it. i quit trying to decorate for a life i don't have. now my space (a huge room with a soaring ceiling over a 3-bay garage) is mostly studio (and bookshelves). instead of having a tiny and timid, restrictive studio stuffed away in a corner, i now have a tiny, cozy, dear sitting area there. i moved the barrier to my sleeping nest (you can't see, but it is behind that bit of screen), which feels a little strange, but i think i will like it.

all weekend i have shuffled my STUFF, sometimes back and forth like a madwoman. the studio was the hardest, and ideally i would have bigger tables, but i made it work. besides, faerie lights make everything better. and incense. and that little cute cupboard i found in the alley for my paints. i wanted to make more pictures, but it became dark so quickly. so maybe more tomorrow. now i am going to sit in my new space and drink this glass of wine and write in my story and be GLAD that i don't have to drag any more crap around and that i can do fun stuff tomorrow like laundry and playing with my iPod touch!! yeah!

2010-12-03T17:23:00.000-06:00

a walk on the northside today.
before i started tearing up my house and wishing i hadn't.

onward.

2010-12-02T17:02:00.000-06:00

hanky on the table
bygod would you look at that little hipstamatic TTV?

2010-12-01T18:37:00.003-06:00

so in October i did my own October project.
that was good.

then in November, i did this:
also, really good - and i'm still working on it, since i consider Nano a jumpstart mostly.

now for December, i think i will do this:

and i'll start with this, since i was a greedy piggy and could NOT wait until christmas for my own little present. i have been really really good about new toys and new boots and everything, it was time to cut loose a little, so i acquired that little iPod Touch i have been longing for since they finally made one with a camera. it is SO MUCH FUN!

my first hipstamatic (tm)

2010-11-25T14:01:00.001-06:00

what do you mean that has nothing to do with Thanksgiving????

it does to ME!

it's that old red garage i used to walk by and make a picture of a couple of years ago. probably on this very same day two years ago. when i lived in that crappy student ghetto apartment that leaked all the time and flooded my bedroom and made moldy toxic carpet? see! it has a LOT to do with Thanksgiving, that picture, because i AM SO THANKFUL I DON'T LIVE THERE ANYMORE. ok, that is a small thing, but taking that "nostalgic" walk this morning and making pictures of some of the things i used to see, made me feel very glad to be coming "home" to my lofty and dry garage apartment. i am spending the day alone, my family are scattered and my friends are few. but i am not unhappy. i am baking sweet potatoes and making split pea soup with the turkey ham that i meant to have in my salad, but decided to put in the soup instead and will put some chicken in the salad instead. i have cold white wine and ice cream. i am working on artStuff and trying not to look at my lofty and dry garage apartment, because in the bright sun i can see it is very dusty. i am really not into being holidayish today at all, but if you are, i hope you are having a nice day. i am and i am grateful. for lots of things. not just my lofty and dry garage apartment. but if i were to list them, it would sound very strange...

onward.

2010-11-19T09:00:00.001-06:00

since everyone seems to be presenting their book memes this weekend, i guess i can take up space with my long string of fake polaroids! i finally downloaded Poladroid again and played with it. it's hokey but so much fun to see what randomly appears. i even let it crop for me. gasp. such a loss of control! (but i cheated and straightened the images in photoshop first. shoot me!)

last weekend, i convinced the poet to wander in The Bottoms with me. i hadn't been in so long and that is one of my favorite areas in Kansas City. he gave it a good try, but after half an hour or so, there was some fretting over the cold wind and the possiblity of catching cold. argh! i could have stayed for hours, exploring! we also saw The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest and ate indian food and had a lovely weekend as usual.

now i am back to writing like a fool. i will probably finish the word count for Nano this weekend, but i am just not feeling the euphoria of last year. i can't seem to find the tenderness and humor i had for my characters and situations last year. and ... i don't seem to have a real story! just randomshit happening. well, we'll see. it seems like i didn't really get going last year until almost 50,000 words, so i will carry on. it is a pleasure. the writing. that's for sure. but i'm almost missing arting a little, too. last Sunday was traci's glueshitdown birthday party and i managed to make 3 little collages, which felt good. she has glitter glue. i really need some of that stuff.

2010-11-08T06:45:00.000-06:00

finally! these buggers are all finished, all varnished, all scanned
and ready for viewing by any interested parties.
click to go if you like!

to see the whole set of retratos de detalles images alone,
GO HERE

now back to writing.
it seems much harder this year.

2010-11-07T05:21:00.001-06:00

yesterday was really gorgeous. as was the day before. and the day before. and so on. although the leaves aren't quite as amazing as usual, the autumn sky has been a fierce, bright blue, almost frightening! the air is perfect, not too cold, not too hot. i have been on my butt a lot lately, working at the artTable, writing like a fiend, reading, etc, and really needed to get out for a walk yesterday, so i did. not a big exciting one, just the most winding-through-the-alleys route i could take to the library. but i tried to make it more exciting for myself by taking my camera for a little project.

usually i don't use the "scene" settings, because i think they are a little hokey, but on my cammie, i have to admit that i LOVE the pinhole scene, so i only allowed myself to make pictures using that singular setting. sure it is a little fake-looking, but still, i think it is interesting. even the most mundane scene takes on a certain holiness.

2010-11-03T19:32:00.001-05:00

more pictures! what? you thought i would stop or something? nope!

last weekend was the biweekly visit to the city and the poet and i felt desperate to see something besides woods and movies, so we had a short wander in one of my favorite neighborhoods, Columbus Park. my eyes were still searching for ... details. and i find them there. we also had the most awesome pho at a little corner Vietnamese dive, Pho KC. it was a windy and cool day. very gray. we also saw Enter The Void and i don't really recommend it. my poor poet had to sit out the last half hour, because he was just too dizzy and nauseated. i was surprised that *i* wasn't. if i had known how it was to be, i would have dropped meclizine first, to be sure. but somehow i became immune to the stimulation as the film progressed. i was glad when it was over.

what else. writing like a fool for nanowrimo. the october objects are all in the flattening process, between towels and cloths, under books. i decided to go ahead and finish them all the way after all. i'm not really sure why, i must say. the long lonely weekend is coming up. i will write, glue and who knows, maybe even paint. it could happen!

it is becoming cold now, but there are furBoots to be worn, so all is well.

ps. no point in talking about the election, huh? ugh.

2010-10-31T18:42:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.31

The End of the October Project
including ... The Objects.

only awaiting 2nd coat of varnish and glued-on backings.
(which i will complete tonight.)
and then scan and show. so ...

I DID IT!
(a personal goal. important to no one but myself.)

now i am going to write another book.

so don't look for pictures every day. ha.

2010-10-30T07:09:00.001-05:00

retratos de detalles.30

2010-10-29T18:40:00.001-05:00

retratos de detalles.29

the project is nearly done!
this morning i was a little cranky about how the objects were coming out,
but worked hard on them today, taking some stuff off and adding
words! ever-important words!
then some shiny gloss varnish.
and now i love them!

and now i guess i must scan.
ugh. not my favorite thing, to be sure

2010-10-28T19:19:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.28

2010-10-27T17:38:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.27

2010-10-26T17:45:00.002-05:00

retratos de detalles.26

~~duh bobbi. shouldn't this have been #23? duh?~~
ok! never mind. i changed it. i'm happier now.

2010-10-25T19:09:00.001-05:00

retratos de detalles.25

2010-10-24T19:36:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.24
it's a good weekend.
the poet's birthday.
1/2price gooseberry pie & organic vanilla ice cream.
walks in the woods.
lots of movies!

and then someone went and hacked my site.
DON'T GO THERE!!

2010-10-23T19:42:00.002-05:00

retratos de detalles.23

2010-10-22T19:13:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.22

2010-10-21T17:45:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.21

i am so glad i had this one marked for today

2010-10-19T18:26:00.002-05:00

retratos de detalles.20

2010-10-19T18:25:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.19

an old old favorite. i wish i could remember where this was...

2010-10-18T17:03:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.18

2010-10-17T16:36:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.17

2010-10-16T07:30:00.001-05:00

retratos de detalles.16

2010-10-15T06:39:00.002-05:00

retratos de detalles.15

detail of the serving bar at Berry Austin (froyo! yum!)
on of the most amazing contemporary examples of pique assiette EVER.
the tops is all pale. the bottom all color.

2010-10-14T20:21:00.001-05:00

retratos de detalles.14

2010-10-13T19:51:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.13

2010-10-13T10:45:00.003-05:00

Fade. 2010
Mixed Media on Board. 36" x 36"
Anthony May

i always forget to mention it, but i keep a tumblr going, as a digital scrapbook for the (personally) inspiring art that i find online. at first i just kept it to myself, but i may as well share since it is becoming LOADED with goodies. so much beauty in the world...

cobaltika : cosas diarias

2010-10-12T20:15:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.12

2010-10-11T18:57:00.001-05:00

retratos de detalles.11

2010-10-10T19:36:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.10

2010-10-10T16:41:00.000-05:00

i did it!!!!

Real Live BREAD!

sure, i cook my own food all the time. it is so much more nutritious and so much less expensive, even for only 1 person. and basic stuff is really easy. but BAKING ... i haven't done that in YEARS (other than a very-seldom pan of brownies from a box mix for the poet). i don't even keep flour and sugar and baking ingredients in the house anymore. but i have had a hair up my tail for baking my own bread lately and yesterday acquired a bit of flour (they only had pastry flour in the bin, though. i was a little worried...), yeast and some cane sugar from the co-op. i made myself a promise that i would do it TODAY, even though i was intimidated and i DID. i used a very basic recipe from Joy of Cooking, for the first time, but i would really like to add more grains and stuff eventually.

i can report that although they are not beautiful pieces, they are each quite tasty. #1 was meant to be sort of a rustic loaf, but it sprawled out and was sort of flat, only about 2" high. the taste was fine, though, especially dipped into some sweet Spanish olive oil! now at least i'll bet i can make a focaccia!! #2 was an experiment, because i thought two loaves of whitish bread would be pretty dull. so i grated a big handful of cheddar and threw in a handful of the Hatch green chiles that i roasted last month, then froze, for just such occasions as this. i rolled it all into the dough and threw the lump in the pan and it worked! a little over-brown on an exposed cheese place on top and on the bottom another cheesy place stuck to the pan a little, but mostly ... nice!

jeez. i hope i don't eat it all tonight. it smells amazing and tastes delicious, but i'm not used to bread and i can already feel a lump in my belly just from tasting. i'm probably safe.

2010-10-09T17:08:00.001-05:00

retratos de detalles.09

i wanted to find something sort of john lennonish today, in honor of his birthday, one that would have turned him ... omigod ... 70. but i couldn't exactly, nothing good enough, so i looked at other things. i went for a long walk this morning and noticed that the leaves are not exciting yet. every year i forget exactly when it will happen. i do remember that there is often red and bright orange at halloween and sometimes even snow. shocking. it will come. i feel like i can't quite keep up lately. it is all so fast. life is.

i like this little october project. the objects themselves, involving the images, are also coming along quite nicely. i am liking them, too. it is good to have something besides mystery novels and dinner and financial/legal terrors to focus on. and it is a good discipline, too, because next month is ... NANOWRIMO!!! ... and i think i am going to do it again. really!

also, i am going to bake bread tomorrow. not in a machine.

it has been many years.

2010-10-08T20:25:00.001-05:00

retratos de detalles.08

2010-10-07T18:30:00.001-05:00

retratos de detalles.07

2010-10-06T18:41:00.000-05:00

retratos de detalles.06

some time i will probably write something too, but for now, i'm patting myself kindly for at least doing *this* consistently!