finally i found some azaleas. i knew there were still some in this town. the ones i used to see seem to have been dug out and some crummy carefree stuff planted. but hurray! these! needless to say, they make me long for spring wanderings in New Orleans. it has been so so so long. sometimes i wonder if i will ever be able to GO like that again. it seems so impossible. i put my face into these. even though i had to trespass.

now that the weird overHot days of pre-spring have passed and it is sweetSpring, all is lovely. there has been much gray and damp, but i don't really mind. when days like today come, there is enchantment in bright green leaves and clear blue skies and 60-something temps. i will miss this kind of spring. even though i am SO ready to get moving, i am realizing all the things i will miss. tall trees, brick sidewalks, old farmish houses, real winter, real spring, that stuff. environmental stuff. in so many ways, this was my "ideal" town. but i just didn't fit. or something. and now - can i please just be gone? six more weeks. wow.

i have been doing more internal than external clearing and packing. usually at 3am. ugh. but i am clearing out tangible things, too. tons of paper. photographs. small tubes of toothpaste and hotel soaps. i probably won't need that stuff now. at least not by the time i am finally unpacked in my own real home again. i'm not sure when that will be. or where. for a while i will live in Fredericksburg with my youngest sister. i will be her Personal Assistant! i will also be looking for a "real job" in Austin or San Antonio or ... somewhere. something. the idea of another 8-5, yessir, fluorescentPrison job is so unappealing though, and i long for some other magic. it may be tossed at me in a form i shrink from, though. i don't want to think about it now. mostly i am trying to keep a open mind and a good attitude. but when i tried to watch the video about how to attach the car trailer to the uHaul the other day, i panicked and almost cried and vomited. i just don't see how i will be able to do THAT all alone. i am not mechanical. but i want my car. my tinaMerlot.

there is a lot going on. but i'm ok. i'm making gluebooks and that keeps me healthy. (not to mention, diminishes stashes of ephemera!)