i wanted to write something (finally) but oh! no picture? i checked my image folder - *nothing* in there for May. i checked the iPod - a couple of dark grungy flowers that i don't remember capturing, but they were dated "May", so i guess i made them in the last week or so? so i downloaded the new free Chinese photo app that Traci recommended and walked around the house playing with it while the second cup of coffee dripped. it's fun. i like the magicky filter. and i like that there is no English, only Chinese text. this is my view right now. i like writing in my bed, smelling leftover incense from last night, hearing the oriole singing in the tree outside. everything is damp and fresh this morning. thunderstorms in the night. and no monkeyMind. what a relief. it's getting rough around here. anxiety has caught up with me now. making this transition all alone. figuring out stuff. paying for it. etc. trying to see a picture of my life 3 months from now. i can't. i have no idea.

so instead i live in the now. doing my usual things, gluing shreds, tossing out and re-packing boxes, trying to minimize even more, taking the long walks, reading garbage because that is all i can concentrate on lately, appreciating spring, eating properly (yes, still! even with stress!), wondering a little, trying to keep an open mind, but realizing what will not be possible no matter how open i try to be, saving pennies, sneezing, wondering more. and etc. i am waiting until the last week to tear up my living space, because i want it to stay calm and MINE as long as possible. i dread not having my own home for a while.

i contemplate what kind of art my hands can do in a transitional, homeless period. maybe i should return to a little stitching for a while? or put paint in a book? nah. too messy. i can't really draw, but i might try some of that. whatever it is, i'll have to work out of a box. but i'm sure i'll do something. when i am settled i think my work will change. but i'm not sure how. it has already changed, even during this period. something like a kid's scrapbook that doesn't make any sense. but is somehow gratifying. mostly books, some canvasses. it's all unfinished - awaiting. the next stage? well, enough. onward.