retratos de detalles.02

retratos de detalles. 01

in the past few years, i have had a "daily october project" of some kind. maybe not last year? it is a good exercise and i have ended up with some pretty good stuff. i love the idea of a timed project. so i have decided to do it this year, too. starting today i will make portraits of details. i can use lots of my old images, there are so many unpublished ones and it is a good chance to go back and examine them and reflect. i actually *want* to use the old images and not try to shoot new ones every day, although i will likely be inspired to make some new pictures. i notice i am not shooting as many details as "big pictures" lately, and i think that is a commentary on how i am looking at my life too often. it is good to look and appreciate the small and close.

then, with the images made each day, i will turn them into 31 objects - all 5 x 7 - and not one per day! gah! do i want to go crazy? they will be completed by the end of the month and then i will show them. the objects will only use available art materials, of which i have many.

it will be fun.

somewhere in Austin
the pink shutters seem so ... hopeful
i know i know - i'm quiet as a mouse

i went to Texas & all i got were these 3 little pictures

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well. not *exactly* true. but pretty close. this has to be my all-time-low-number-of-piccies-made trip to ... *anywhere*. the only time i took my camera out was on the long long walk on a Saturday morning with Margaret through Hyde Park. otherwise, i visited, ate, drove the rental car, visited, helped my mama with as many chores and errands as she would let me, watched TV (shudder), read books, sewed beads on paper stuff, hung out with BOTH girls having the best time EVER, ate, drank, let Betsy cut my hair, visited, ate, drove the rental car. there really wasn't the kind of independent wandering time i need for making pictures, but i always see lots of places i *will* wander in the future. when i am not always just a visitor - trying to spend as much quality time with mi familia as possible. still, i can't believe i did not make pictures of Betsy and Margaret. NONE. and none of little Kathy either. what kind of mother/aunt am i anyway???

then i came back and went right back to work. no one noticed that i had nearly a foot of hair cut off. i really *am* invisible! a ghost in this place. i missed my cat a lot when i came home, but was glad he was not miserably missing me while i was gone for so long. and that no friend or neighbor had to come in for his feeding and find him dead. he lived with me for a long time - 11 years. and he was good. {{xox-King Tubby-xox}}

i am liking Texas more and more (even though i once swore i would never live there again never). but god. there is a LOT of vehicular traffic in Austin.

final summer updates at etsy and artfire

it has been fun working with the cool colors this summer - and the creatures. a nice change from architecture! (which i still love and will not stop). the last of the summer pieces are listed now. and i will soon be on my way to Texas for a longer-than-usual stay, which will include a good long stay with my mama in the country and then a weekend with BOTH GIRLS in Austin and Fredericksburg. i will also get to see both sisters and their menfolk and little Kathy, too. i am happy for all this!

i am going to take some small handwork with me, for the country, for some experiments, and when i return, i feel a different work coming on. i can't quite see it though... i'm ready to surprise myself, though.

¡adiós para ahora!

pictures from the prairie

tallgrass prairie national park kansas
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old schoolhouse : tallgrass prairie national park kansas
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butterfly porn : cottonwood falls kansas
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abandoned house w/curious bays : cottonwood falls kansas
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konza prairie kansas
(poet does not have a fatbutt, he is kindly carrying all my water on his hips!)
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collared lizard : konza prairie kansas
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white prairie clover : konza prairie kansas
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native stone scenic byway : flint hills kansas

it was so much fun.

before i get started on prairie pictures and the like, i thought it might be best to announce that (even though it seems like i just drive around and look at stuff) i *did* finish the work from last week and it is awesome and it is on Etsy if you would like to have a look! just click to go!

i know no one even *looks* at a post without pictures these days, but i'm doing it anyway. just writing. i *do* have pictures, but i haven't played with them yet, and -gasp- i could not *possibly* show pictures straight from the cammie could i???

the poet and i had a small vacation over a long weekend. we do not have big expectations for "vacation". sure, it would be fun to go far and long, but we have neither the time or funds for such and tend to find delight in most any adventure. so, we chose to visit old and new (to us) places in Kansas. we had lots of wholesome food packed and much water. we took a weekend special rentalMobile instead of tinaMerlot, because it might be best for tina to stay closer to home at her age.

first, we drove to the starting point of one of our favorite drives in Chase County, stopping for diner breakfast in downtown Emporia first. our rental car had XM radio and the poet was instantly enchanted with Spa station, which made the whole trip, with the prairies rolling past the windows, somewhat hallucinatory. fun without drugs! i did most of the driving, because i like to, and also to ensure that if there is a little town i want to take a spin through, it gets done! we stopped in Cottonwood Falls to view the river from the arched bridge, then took the back road to Elmdale, as it looked like rain, so we did not want to take our hike yet.

Elmdale is an old ghostTown, with only a few inhabitants. i have made pictures there several times. there is good stuff to see. one of my favorite places is the old school and gymnasium. it is now USED! i had heard through the dark Kansas grapevine, that it had been purchased. i could not imagine a prissy B&B there. in that town. but instead, a church group has acquired the place and are restoring it for a community center for local kids. as i was poking around outside, the woman in charge came out and she was GLAD to give us a tour and tell us all about. it was so cool to get to go INSIDE the old school and gym! the kids are actually doing most of the work themselves and are amazing. they are re-using lots of the structural things, like using fallen-down-tin-ceilings as patches for walls, etc. and pieces of blackboard for floor repairs. it is funky and cool! i will visit again, i'm sure.

so it was afternoon and baking HOT by the time we got to the Tallgrass Prairie, but we loaded up with sunscreen and water bottles and our hats and took off anyway for a 2 mile hike. the season is wrong for the best wildflowers, but we enjoyed ourselves. it is a beautiful place. then we checked in to the Prairie Fire Inn, where we have stayed before. showers and rest, then out again to Cottonwood Falls for catfish and some townWandering, more carExploring. all good!

next morning, after a stop in a Council Grove donut shop for my coffee (where people were actually drinking Pepsi and eating donuts first thing in the morning! gah! mature people even, not kids!) we continued our scenic drive north to the Konza Prairie, near Manhattan, where we have never been. WE WILL DEFINITELY GO BACK. it was a little tricky to find, especially as we didn't print off the directions and only had a general idea, but we found the entry and set off for a hike. there were options, but we chose the 3 mile for this visit. it was a beautiful place, the landscape much different from the Tallgrass, more hilly and varied. even different wildflowers, that we had not seen before. and the best thing was a viewing of a large, turquoise-blue collared lizard! posing on a stone, just waiting for me to spot him. baby lizards were all over the paths.

after the hike, we stopped in Alma for a picnic of havarti dill cheese, seeduction bread, mustard, cucumber hummus, baby carrots, cold water. then continued on down the scenic native stone byway, touring through Eskridge (where i have longed to go back, wandering, but it was WAY TOO HOT that day) and Harveyville and Burlingame and finally back home. showers and macbook theatre. okra gumbo from the freezer.

next day, we left from home, hiked in Weston Bend (too humid, kind of nasty and overgrown, a little spooky, i thought. all those spider webs!), drove to Atchison, picnicked by the river, walked at some favorite places (including an open house of an awesome 1880's house up for auction! ooo! i love to go IN.), got lost in farmLand, made it back, more macbook theatre and the Chinese buffet. a good vacation!!

pictures to follow.

next up - Texas in two weeks. whew.

here is something i seldom, if ever, do. show work-in-progress.

but i just cannot show more floofyGreen summery pictures or whine about the heat and lack of wandering. i have no current drama to allude to. (whew. i don't want any.) no travels (although they are upcoming!). although i mention the artTable constantly, it must seem from the contents of this journal that i never do things there. yet i spend time there daily. most stuff i just can't show. *i* don't even want to look at it. but finally, i have been inspired to make some more small pieces and now they want to fly out of me, so i am letting them.

these new pieces are peaceful and fun to work on. i didn't realize how much the destruction of the Gulf had invaded my consciousness, until i realized the sea colors and creatures were appearing. there will also be waterBirds. last night i thought they might be finished, until i scanned them and looked at the images and they are a bit too sterile just yet. i don't seem to want to make work as fussy and distressed as in the past, but i still like more ... texture ... so a little more work today, then. they will go to Etsy and a few to ArtFire - which i am already quite disenchanted with and they better not try to pull another 3 months fees from my payPal before i can figure how to cancel it.

now that my hands have been busy with these, my mind saw the light on some other pieces that have been put aside for a couple of months and i am working with those, too. once in a while i squeeze out some paint and wrestle a bit with that, but ... still ... not pleased!

i am up so early this morning that there is no excuse for not taking a long walk. i have barely had a step of exercise in the past two weeks, not even walking to work, since moving to the new offices. but next week i will start walking up to campus and riding the express bus. that will feel better. i don't want my butt to blossom one more inch. i think the heat is finally breaking a little. wait. no whining about the heat!!! onward. coffee. hike. artStuff.

it has been a long, exhausting, somewhat depressing and unsettling week in mi vida. luckily i don't have time to go on and on about it this morning! we did move into the new building at work this week. it was pretty stunning. the space is just amazing. everyone was quite excited, running around like kids, exclaiming over everything. yes, me too! the image above is not the best view of the building, but i liked it from the little pier over the pond. yesterday wasn't quite as hot, so i went exploring at lunch time. to the pond. and also to the butterfly garden, which we have a view over from certain parts of the building. i couldn't wait to go there. for being in the middle of corporateCampus it was quite lovely. so many flowers! two goldfinches flew over while i was wandering around. there wasn't as much life in the pond as i hoped, but it was nice anyway. now off to the city to be a girlfriend and see movies!

ok i went out walking this morning.
it was hot. my camera batteries were naughty.
but i am still glad.

i've been feeling justified in not going out wandering and capturing because it is Just Too Hot. so i thought i would play with some older photos instead (of which there are thousands). looking for a few last-summer photos, i found folders FULL. i was out wandering constantly. this same time of year. i feel a little spanked. am i just a lazy whiner or is it *really* much hotter this year? hmmmm. regardless, i keep with my plan to stay in and attack the skill of painting again this weekend. tons of new music from the library. and books. always books. onward...

wow. i hardly *ever* write from my office anymore. but i am sort of in the mood today. i will only be here, in this office, for 2 more days. no! i'm not (finally) leaving. (i wish). the brand spanking new School of Pharmacy is near completion and we are scheduled to move in on August 3. it is weird. i have been here for nearly 10 years (gasp), even though i have been in 5 different offices during that time - but always on the same floor, same suite.

the most suckish aspect of the change is that it will be twice as far from my house, no longer really in walking distance. it is in "west campus" - which is like the suburbia of campus. all new, so corporate-looking. i don't like it. i like being on REAL campus. i did see a pretty pond, and i think there is a secret old cemetery, if they didn't tear it down. i'm not quite sure how i will get there. and the bus routes are in the process of changing, so there is no way to make a firm plan, but i think i can bus most of the way. and faculty/staff ride free. that part is good. when the weather is ok, i can just walk home, 2 miles or so. but in the morning, ugh. i would have to get up and out too early! it will be so strange to have my 10-year routine so disrupted. but it will be interesting to be in the fancy new building.

i have been sick over the weekend and still. yesterday i stayed home from the office. even though i felt rather shitty, the poet and i still had some fun. we saw Inception! wow! and we went to the city market for fresh veggies and made gazpacho. we didn't go on any hikes though. too hot. also TinaMerlot was sick, too - she needed a new battery. which she now has.

i am really having issues with art/picturemaking lately. i have been reading/visualizing/thinking a lot, but not *doing*. at least with product as the end result. i almost REFUSE to keep doing the same unsatisfying things i have been doing for months. i have been making some experiments, because it is important to keep my hands doing things, but either toss them, or cover them up and start over. i have not been updating my etsy or artfire stores, because that means doing the same things. i think the artfire may have been a mistake. but since i paid for 3 months, i should use it. somehow. i really have to find my path. my work. but i feel so blind and stupid. and quite bored of myself. i know things will feel better when summer is over. they always do.

images from the world i am not going out in today

yes, it *is* the good time to wander around in the alleys. (is there any time that is *not* good for me??) there is much to find right now, as apartments change hands. but A. i don't need anything and B. there has been as excessive heat warning all weekend and will probably continue through the week. YUK. no thank you, outdoors. i will stay inside and grow a fat butt and paint and glue instead. at least until tomorrow, when i must return to the office. and i *will* walk there, but in the shade and with my straw hat.

the long lonely artWeekend has not been so bad. sometimes it is terribly lonely and i feel terribly disappointed about my output and energy. but this weekend, even though i have nothing i would show in public, i feel closer to what i might be trying to do with paint. i have also liked watching Art:21 very much. i acquired the Series 1 - 4 from the library! although i am impressed and often astounded, i am a little cranky about the Monumentalism portrayed. i'm not sure i want to go into it all right now, but i am feeling a little *small* and ineffective with my little artTable and few materials (recycled at that) and small substrates to work with. not to mention, i could not make all those important artWords in a million years! jeez... anyway, i carry on in my own way. doing what i can with what i have. so far i have loved Sally Mann and Kiki Smith and Lari Pittman best, but i have also realized that i have only watched one quarter of each DVD, as i didn't understand how the things worked! oh well! it will be hot all week! so ... onward ...

i miss writing. here and everywhere. i miss sitting up in bed in the dim mornings typing away. so i am trying to do it this morning since i woke so early. probably it would be better to go take a longWalk before it is so dreadfully hot, but ... i'm so lazy! i didn't want to wake at 6, but i had already had two sad dreams and didn't want to chance another. by the time i walked around and looked at the odd peach color of the sky i was awake, so i made the coffee. and have now piled back in the bed for a while. it is still dark. maybe it will rain? although the rain would probably be boiling and sizzling... this summer hasn't been *too* bad, really, although it looks like we are in for a stretch of it. i guess i will just have to stop eating if i am not exercising. maybe i will have a diet of Corona beer, tomatoes and avocadoes. mmmmmm.

this is the long lonely art weekend and so far, so good. *finally* i was able to order more Golden soft get and UHU sticks, so i don't have anxieties about running out of adhesive, which is a big block for me. this time i splurged a little and also ordered an economy pack of 8x10 canvas board. i expected it to be a little shitty, but the quality was just fine. especially if you are planning to glue papers all over anyway. so yesterday i pulled out the paints and "played". why do i want to paint so badly? i don't even know *what* i want to paint - not puppies and landscapes, i'm sure - i just want to DO it. i want to make textures and marks. it wasn't too bad, although i will probably paint over today. that's ok. as soon as i glued woodpeckers on, i knew i had fucked up. i was trying to avoid THINGS. then went and stuck an identifiable THING on there. grrrrrr. but i will go back to it today.

i also started watching Art 21 and at first was a little cranky because the second, not first, CD was in the wrong envelope, but then i was fine because there was Kiki Smith. i LOVED her. LOVED. i saw the series at the library yesterday, so might go back and get them, instead of waiting for Netflix to confuse me with the wrong CD's. i am also reading - yes really READING - a huge monograph about Rauschenberg. there are also so many photos. his work is so inspiring to me. i thought i might need an art diet, i tend to look at so much stuff online, i wanted to just STOP, but the habit is a little more under control now. there is such a glut out there of information and imagery. it can become too overwhelming and UN-inspiring after a while.

the dreams last night were about being abandoned and left behind, sort of. losing second chances. being dragged away underwater by an alligator in a weedy canal. stuff like that. but the worst was the one about losing the girls. they were little again and were going to live with their dad. he was taking them away and i had to pack ALL their things, which kept multiplying and had to stop and lie down and cry and get up and try to be cool. he was waiting for me to finish, taking the boxes out and chatting. the girls were excited, but also fearful. Betsy was upset that i was messing with her stuff, then Margaret was in a huge panic when she realized she would be in a different school and was leaving her friends. her eyes were so large and afraid. god i hated it. the guilt of taking them away from David has surfaced now and i feel sort of sad and shitty and sleepy this morning. sometimes i wonder what it would have been like if i had done everything differently. this life is hard. and i am not really "happier". whatever i thought i might find "away" - i never did. although i have had interesting experiences, sure. anyway. no point in dwelling on all THAT, huh. yep, right.

since i finally renewed my roadside service, i thought i might go on a pictureMaking adventure today, to a little town i have wanted to go back to for a year or so. but i think it will be too hot to wander around comfortably and i don't want to just go driveby shooting. so i guess it will be paint and Art 21 again all day. maybe i will build more palaces, too. i think they are too predictable when they are so symmetrical, although i love the altaristic feel of them. the poet also agreed that they need some break from symmetry. maybe i will try that. i almost feel like crying, but i think i will go make more coffee instead.

usually writing like this, i put under lock/friends-only filter on livejournal. but i have been remembering how open i used to feel when i used to write "real" things in public. my art was so different, too. lately i have been feeling so closed and rigid, and i wonder if authentic writing will feel good. or bad? this may disappear. i make it small, so it doesn't scream.

well. it's official.

i have an artFire store now.

i'm not sure how it will go, but i know i need to Get Myself Out There more and more, so i have been putting my New Things there. for now. i am also keeping my Etsy store. i don't hate Etsy at all, but my traffic has really dwindled there. i feel so invisible. Etsy is so huge. i know i am not a big hustler, but ... more people used to just appear, not just my beloveds from my journal postings! (thank you all!)

anyway, i hope you will go look.

i am having a helluva good time with the imaginal palaces, that is for sure. but now i want to make them BIGGER.

the poet and i had a rather good weekend in the city. we ate at a new favorite Mexican restaurant and watched an Antonioni film that neither of us had ever seen before and it was STUNNING. The Red Desert. watching Monica Vitti's neurotic collapse was a little tedious, but the cinematography - just WOW.

on Saturday, we went to the City Market to acquire some produce, then went on an excursion to Watkins Mill. we have been before, but were in the mood to go again. now a state park, it was once a working farm and huge woolen mill. you can walk all around and pretend to live there. especially good when you are the first there and there are no tours yet!






then we drove into Excelsior Springs, where i have wanted to return for about 3 years. it is an old resort town, with crusty old places, lots of red brick. it is not quite as crusty as when we were there last, though. one of the old hotels has been restored for Affordable Senior Living. the other one is near collapse, sadly. i could have walked around there for hours, but the poet was flagging. my images are not very good, but here are a few. somehow, i feel self-conscious and rushed when feeling my companion is either bored or tired, and it is hard to make good pictures in that state.




while we were driving in the town, sometimes i could see a tall brick smokestack and the roof of an old brick building peeping over the trees. i insisted we find it. it might have been an insane asylum!! it was difficult, but finally i found a broken driveway and drove up it, much to the poet's distress. heh. it was an old school! probably the high school. it was huge and formerly handsome. this is a side view. the poet climbed to the top of the fire escape for the view, but i could not. (dizzy). i did look for open doors, though! there was a sign in front that it was due to become elegant condominiums. i laughed. it was a wonderful day.


sunday was stormy, so we stayed in, cooked more food and watched another great film - The Sea Inside. then we went to see if the creek flooded and i came home. King Tubby is still alive, but he is pitiful. it is gray again today, but i won't notice, because my head will be bent over the artTable mostly.

test post.

what i have been doing this weekend (finally!):

building new houses (why did the phrase "create what you need to find" come into my head and set off this new activity? which i have been making and saving imagery for several years? odd.) anyway, it has been great fun, finally doing it. after creating the images, i am making them into hanging objects. i don't know if they will go on Etsy. i might be a little over Etsy now.

i am thinking of using the blogger thing again, even though i hate the term blog and have never considered that i "blog" - i journal online. and paste pictures in. etc. but i like lots of people here, and am a little tired of messing with wordpress on my own site, so ... don't worry! i won't give up my livejournal. too many old old friends there and the ability to filter posts amongst them. my community. we'll see how this goes.

i think i am going to start using this again?

it's possible!

some scenes from yesterday's walk

i am really trying to be good about going out for longWalks, and i walk every workDay to and from the office but i am taking this morning off (it will probably be too hot later, but i *might* go out later...). i know it is a Good Thing to do, but god am i ever bored with my neighborhood. 10 years! wait. 11. and a half. during the season changes i get a happy visual jolt, but summer is the least interesting season for me, to make pictures. everything is WAY too shrouded in green stuff. although sometimes it *can* be interesting (see last image). heh.

it is a "holiday weekend" but i am not excited about it - in fact it could be my least favorite. Boom Boom Big Deal. let's have a revolution and gain some independence from the politicians and the ruling corporations! then maybe we will have something to celebrate! ok, don't let me get started...

there is a dreadful lack of inspiration going on at the artTable - and life in general lately. i am trying to refrain from becoming too depressed or too cynical. i am trying hard to stick out this last year and odd months, in this town, at that job, in this life, with a good attitude - but i am terribly impatient, lonely and ... fearful. i try not to think about it all too much. but there are times i just want to pack it up and go. (where?)

onward. that's where. breakfast, pigtails, artTable ...

lately, i am not wandering with my cameras as often
instead working more at artTable &computer
so i am taking a little rest from this journal
&only posting in one for now:

cobaltika

come visit if you like!

the forsythias are now blooming : logitech pocket digital

that same old house i always capture : diana+

an everyday thing? don't i wish! : valiant (diana clone)
last winter... (yes, i'm very slow getting film processed)

old house, nortonville kansas : jamcam on a bleak day

kansas - the land with no spring : jamcam

last year : jamcam
i keep thinking. waiting. anyDay. anyDay now. but ... when?
spring is SO LATE this year.

bay bridge, san francisco : Lumix tz3 in low light, avoiding traffic

i guess it is time to go back to everyday things now...

returned from california : not an everyday thing, of course.
but wouldn't it be lovely? sigh...